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    "The fight is never about grapes or lettuce. It is always about people."
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    :: Tuesday, April 15, 2003 ::

    The Onion | 137 More Oil Wells Liberated For Democracy "For decades, these oil wells have suffered untold misery under Saddam Hussein's tyrannical rule," said U.S. Commander General Tommy Franks, speaking from southern Iraq's Rumailah oil fields, the site of the liberation. "With this victory, these long-oppressed wells will soon pump their first barrels of crude as free and equal wells in the global petroleum marketplace. They will join the ranks of the world's liberated oil wells, enjoying the same rights as their democratic brethren around the globe."
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